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Plant Sentenced to Death on Dorm Windowsill

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A local coleus was selected from a UF plant drop, blissfully unaware that being handled by exploratory freshman Kendra Cotton is synonymous with certain...
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Ominous Broadcast Interrupts Homecoming Game

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Yesterday morning, the football stadium was ablaze in orange and blue colors as fans cheered and music played. Suddenly, silence fell as...
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Depressed Student Eats Subway Five Days in a Row

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A geology sophomore was recently spotted at the Rawlings Subway, the saddest Subway of them all, a full five days in a...
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Krishna Ditches Refills, Causes Local Recession

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The city of Gainesville has been consumed by a frenzy of unemployment, inflation and rising store prices after Krishna lunch ruled out...
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UF Health Requiring Students Verify Covid Status with Pinky Swear

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In the interest of protecting the health and welfare of students, UF Health has implemented a new protocol for validating data gathered...
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Engineering Student Reinvents Wheel

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Sophomore engineering students Cody Sinclair and Marc Thompkins have broken ground with a brand-new invention. “You know the saying,...
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Report: Construction workers just banging on stuff

The numerous construction sites around the University of Florida have been recently revealed to actually be just a bunch of dudes banging on stuff. The...
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Study: FSU students talk about Gators more than UF students

Results from a recent study show that the average Florida State University student talks about the Gators significantly more than University of Florida students. “That...
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UF Health physicians recommend washing hands after touching FSU students

In reaction to an outbreak of Hand, Foot and Mouth disease at Florida State University, UF Health physicians are urging any UF students to...
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Shands in Need of More Orange and Blue Blood Donations

For the first time in decades the Gator Nation appears to be facing a shortage in school pride as SHANDS begs students to bleed...
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Girl Decorates Dorm With Exotic Tapestry From Target

A freshman student has been commended for her astounding interior design skills after she decorated the walls of her double room dorm with a...
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Turlington Tabling group tables at Turlington

A new group has laid claim to that one table in the middle on the left at Turlington. The “Turlington Tabling Group” or simply “the...
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New Starbucks to open inside Marston Starbucks

University of Florida President, Kent Fuchs, announced Monday that a long-awaited 7th on-campus Starbucks will be opening inside of the Marston Science Library Starbucks. The...
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Tennessee Fans to Tailgate in Supervised, Mud-Filled Pen

UFPD announced Thursday that visiting Tennessee fans would be relegated to tailgating in a supervised, mud-filled pen. “This was done for both the safety...
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The Crocodile is the University of Florida's source for the most important news, and most importantly, no news at all. Does this hit the footer word count yet?

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