Stadium Closed After Being Flooded With Champagne


UF officials broke the shocking news on Monday afternoon that the stadium will be closed indefinitely after apparently being flooded with a dangerous combination of cheap champagne, glitter and confetti.

Mark Flier, Head of Stadium Affairs, said that they believe the damage was done over the weekend, after graduates were able to finally claim their caps and gowns and the football field was inundated with seniors taking their photos.

“Unfortunately this isn’t the first time this has happened. All it takes is a few too many people taking the ‘popping bottles’ picture at once and we get into dangerous territory.”

Flier said, who also confirmed that the “jumping in unison” photos have caused minor earthquakes in the past.

“We strongly advise students to find a new place to take photos for the time being, unless they want to end up seriously sticky.”

Amanda Jenner, 19, was taking photos for a friend when they believe the flood first started. Jenner said that the scene at the stadium was chaos even from the get-go, with puppies running freely, glitter forming mini-whirlwinds and graduates fighting over the bull gator.

“I was honestly a little scared for my life, and that was before anyone even started opening the champagne.”

Jenner said, who now plans on taking her graduation photos at least 6 months in advance.

“And then I heard the pop, and I saw this huge fizzy wave come crashing toward me and I knew it was all over.”

The wave of champagne fortunately didn’t hurt anyone, but did carry away a few tassels and stain a couple of suits and white dresses. Officials predict the stadium will be back in tip top condition soon, but definitely not until graduation is over.


Stadium Closed After Being Flooded With Champagne

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