New Professor in Hawaiian Shirt Thought He’d Be Closer to the Beach


A campus professor known for his quirky attire that usually includes eccentric Hawaiian shirts and bizarre strappy sandals has admitted he thought his job would place him a little closer to the ocean.

Dan Fute, a recent addition to the College of Liberal Arts and Sciences, said that when he got an offer from the University of Florida, his mind didn’t exactly go to the swampland of Alachua County.

“When you think Florida you think: palm trees, sunshine, The Keys or Miami Beach,”

Fute said, who still managed to obtain a third degree sunburn his first week.

“Of course when I was packing for the Sunshine State I thought my wardrobe would be shorts and tank tops, not rain boots and windbreakers.”

Many of Fute’s students had suspected something was amiss not only because of how their professor dressed, but also because of a few references in the curriculum that didn’t quite fit in. Marty Fresh, a 19-year-old math major, said that after the third time the PowerPoint alluded to the “shores of Gainesville” or “hittin’ the waves after class” he had guessed that his professor had been a little confused about his geography while making the slides.

“I wasn’t exactly surprised, pretty much everyone has the same stereotypes about Florida,”

Fresh said, who broke it to Fute that the only body of water nearby was filled with alligators.

“When my family visits from out of state I have to break it to them that unfortunately Okeechobee is not just around the corner from Disney World.”

Fute said that while he is slightly disappointed about the lack of surfing opportunities and fresh squeezed orange juice, he has managed to find a few things to brag about his new home to his friends back in Missouri.

“I told ‘em I’ve already wrestled two gators and I’ve got a bobcat as a house pet,”

Said Fute, who struggles to carry both his laptop and textbooks at the same time.

“I mean it’s a slight exaggeration, but I do have a raccoon that keeps using our cat flap.”

While Fute is coming to terms with Florida living, unfortunately a few of his colleagues are struggling to do the same. Next the department faces the challenge of enlightening their new botany lecturer that she won’t, in fact, be living in the same neighborhood as John Travolta.


New Professor in Hawaiian Shirt Thought He’d Be Closer to the Beach

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