Dorm Christmas Lights Still Slightly Out of Season


The midst of November can mean only one thing. Next month billions of college girls’ dorms will finally be decorated appropriately.

Jennifer Kelly’s Christmas lights have been a hot topic of debate ever since she bought them back in the summer of 2015.

“I knew I’d be looked at as a villain for eleven months out of the year.”

Said Jennifer, who has also received flack from her peers for drinking pumpkin spice lattes in July.

“But something about decorating for Christmas before Thanksgiving seems to make just about everyone irrationally angry.”

Protesters have come to insist Kelly take down her untimely Christmas lights, citing the fact that ‘Thanksgiving hasn’t even happened yet’ and ‘it’s still 75 degrees out’ but with no success. Even some of Jennifer’s friends have been opposed to her keeping up the lights year round.

“Her lights are just as out of season as her outfits.”

Said Kelly’s snarky friend Brittney.

“She’s been wearing white for like, 3 months after Labor Day. This girl just has no respect for the chronology of seasons.”

With so much controversy, Kelly’s residence hall has had to arrange round-the-clock security to protect her dorm in Tolbert, as well as the paper snowflakes on her door that Kelly’s mom sent in a package.

“Christmas isn’t even that big of a deal in our family,”

Said Kelly’s mother, Gennifer Kelly.

“But when Christmas decorations are BOGO at Target in February, why not get a little festive with your interior deco?”

Jennifer seems to be sticking with the theme of being slightly off with her timing as she was last seen taking down her Christmas lights and putting up a Jim McElwain poster.


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Dorm Christmas Lights Still Slightly Out of Season

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