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May 15, 2017

BREAKING: Professor Doesn’t Care About Summer Class Either

Shocking news has surfaced today, that one UF professor has willingly admitted that he cares just as little about the summer class he is teaching as the students who are in it.

John Amando, 58, who teaches Anthropology 101 over Summer A, supposedly waited until the classroom was totally full with all 13 students to give a breakdown of how the semester would go. Students said that the speech was short, only going so far as to say that he was just as apathetic as they were about the class, and would most likely put in the bare minimum of work required by him.

“At first I was shocked, usually professors are all preach-y about going above and beyond the standards of [...]

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April 27, 2017

Cicerone Walks Backwards Through Graduation

Amidst the graduation ceremonies this week, one student made waves by letting an unusual habit kick in during commencement.

Gary Callio, 22, was graduating Suma Cum Laude with a degree in Chemistry, but when his name was called to receive his diploma—he walked completely backwards across the stage, only turning around to move his tassel to the other side.

“We were so proud when we saw his name come up on the screen,”

Callio’s grandmother, Lily Ovanda, said.

“But then he turned around, and practically moon walked to the podium while spouting facts about campus.”

Despite the obvious shock and confusion of his friends and family, Callio [...]

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April 11, 2017

Student Thrown Out of Overbooked SNAP Van

A medical student was forcibly removed from a SNAP van earlier today after refusing to leave peacefully.

The student, Jonah Whitefield, was reportedly on a jam-packed (we’re talking like 5 people to one of those benches) SNAP van when two other SNAP drivers tried to board.

An offer was announced by staff that those who left on their own would receive $15 Flexbucks and a ride at a later time. After no one excepted the offer, staff randomly chose Whitefield by picking his UFID out of a hat.

That’s when UFPD was called to remove Whitefield. They reportedly tased the bro and dragged him off the van right in front of all the students with smartphones. When Whitfield [...]

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April 4, 2017

Freshman Experiences First Day of Rainesville Jokes

A freshman has finally been initiated as a UF student after being treated to his first day of hearing the entire student body’s exhausted “Rainesville” jokes.

Alex Gore, 18, said that this is his first semester on campus as an Innovation Academy student, so there have been many things he has yet to experience.  However, after this afternoon Gore said he feels like a real Gator.

“When I woke up to rain this morning, I didn’t think much of it—it rains all the time in Florida,”

Gore said, standing in a waist deep puddle.

“But then it didn’t stop, and I thought “wow, it rains a lot in Gainesville” and I went on Twitter to make a joke about it; that’s when it [...]