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April 4, 2017

Freshman Experiences First Day of Rainesville Jokes

A freshman has finally been initiated as a UF student after being treated to his first day of hearing the entire student body’s exhausted “Rainesville” jokes.

Alex Gore, 18, said that this is his first semester on campus as an Innovation Academy student, so there have been many things he has yet to experience.  However, after this afternoon Gore said he feels like a real Gator.

“When I woke up to rain this morning, I didn’t think much of it—it rains all the time in Florida,”

Gore said, standing in a waist deep puddle.

“But then it didn’t stop, and I thought “wow, it rains a lot in Gainesville” and I went on Twitter to make a joke about it; that’s when it [...]

 
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March 28, 2017

Basketball Fan Unaware They Don’t Have to Keep Every Pom-Pom

One UF student is reportedly completely oblivious that keeping the pom-poms given out at UF basketball games is optional, much to the dismay of his roommate who is forced to live with his growing collection.

Lewis Carter, 18, has been to every home basketball game this semester, and often shows his team spirit with face paint, blue and orange overalls, and as much free Gator memorabilia as he can find in the bleachers before the game starts.

“At first it was funny going to the games with Lewis because he was so into it,”

Said Carter’s roommate Alex Dubrove.

“But then he started taking every leftover orange and blue pom-pom home like it was his job, I don’t [...]

 
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February 22, 2017

Emoji Over Girl’s Beer in SnapChat Story Not Fooling Anyone

A popular vote by a group of Maria Rozo’s friends this past Wednesday has unanimously concluded that her placement of an emoji over a beer in her Snap story fooled absolutely no one.

The vote was taken after Rozo attended a ladies’ night event in midtown and posted a series of snapchats with some girlfriends, and appeared to be holding mysteriously large stickers and emoji’s in 99% of them.

“I wanted to post the pictures because they were cute, but ever since my cousins added me on Snapchat I’ve had to be careful not to post anything incriminating,”

Rozo said, whose Snapchat stories average 190 seconds.

“I saw a few friends do it on Instagram, so I decided [...]

 
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February 13, 2017

Cockroaches Protest Unlivable Dining Hall Conditions

A representative from the new cockroach community in Broward Dining Hall announced this morning that they plan to protest their “unlivable conditions” this week.

The spokesman, Alan Buggard, said that these protests have been a long time coming. According to Buggard, the cockroach community has been putting up with the decline in the quality of their home space for almost their entire life span.

“At first it wasn’t so bad, lots of crumbs and stuff you know,”

Said leader of the protest, Carl Roachenson.

“But after a while it was like, there were so many of us and you can only eat pizza for so many days of the week.”

Roachenson said that at the [...]