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March 26, 2017

7 Ways to Recover from a Dance Marathon Hangover

You may have thought that the only way to recover from dancing for 26.2 hours in Dance Marathon would be sleep, but you’d be wrong. We have discovered 7 better ways to get back to full energy and get going at 100% on Monday!

 

1. Sit down for 26.2 hours

Sitting is the opposite of standing, so naturally you should sit for the same amount of time to counteract the fatigue of standing. It’s just basic science. Make sure that you DON’T get up at all during your sitting session (except maybe for a quick dip in the pool) otherwise it won’t count and you’ll have to start all over. Some things to while sitting include looking at [...]

 
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March 8, 2017

Key West Motorcycle – “You Should Have Seen the Other Guy”

The following statement was given by the Key West motorcycle after the incident with the Student Government president. It has been translated to English.

Look, I know it’s being plastered everywhere that this “Smith” guy beat me in a fight, but I just wanna go ok the record and say that’s not how it went down, man.

You really think some college student can just push me over willy nilly? I’ll have you know I’ve driven a 240lb man (not including leather) over 6,000 miles in the last month alone. How far has Smith walked? Maybe 6 miles total and that’s just because he had a class in Norman one semester.

I’ve been in [...]

 
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February 22, 2017

Emoji Over Girl’s Beer in SnapChat Story Not Fooling Anyone

A popular vote by a group of Maria Rozo’s friends this past Wednesday has unanimously concluded that her placement of an emoji over a beer in her Snap story fooled absolutely no one.

The vote was taken after Rozo attended a ladies’ night event in midtown and posted a series of snapchats with some girlfriends, and appeared to be holding mysteriously large stickers and emoji’s in 99% of them.

“I wanted to post the pictures because they were cute, but ever since my cousins added me on Snapchat I’ve had to be careful not to post anything incriminating,”

Rozo said, whose Snapchat stories average 190 seconds.

“I saw a few friends do it on Instagram, so I decided [...]

 
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February 20, 2017

Engineering Master’s Student Unable to Change Flat Tire

Masters of Engineering student Johnathan Khaling was stranded for hours on Archer Road Thursday after the left front tire of his Toyota Camry ran over a small nail and became flat.

“I can design a rocket ship from scratch but this was completely out of my expertise.”

Said Khaling, who also unsuccessfully uses the ‘I can design a rocket ship from scratch’ line to pick up chicks.

“I guess I just have to get a new car now, I’d been eying a Prius anyway.”

At first, Khaling said that he used every tool in his trunk in an attempt to remove the flat tire. But after his protractor and the screwdriver in his swiss army knife didn’t work, he was forced to [...]