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April 11, 2017

Student Thrown Out of Overbooked SNAP Van

A medical student was forcibly removed from a SNAP van earlier today after refusing to leave peacefully.

The student, Jonah Whitefield, was reportedly on a jam-packed (we’re talking like 5 people to one of those benches) SNAP van when two other SNAP drivers tried to board.

An offer was announced by staff that those who left on their own would receive $15 Flexbucks and a ride at a later time. After no one excepted the offer, staff randomly chose Whitefield by picking his UFID out of a hat.

That’s when UFPD was called to remove Whitefield. They reportedly tased the bro and dragged him off the van right in front of all the students with smartphones. When Whitfield [...]

 
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April 4, 2017

Freshman Experiences First Day of Rainesville Jokes

A freshman has finally been initiated as a UF student after being treated to his first day of hearing the entire student body’s exhausted “Rainesville” jokes.

Alex Gore, 18, said that this is his first semester on campus as an Innovation Academy student, so there have been many things he has yet to experience.  However, after this afternoon Gore said he feels like a real Gator.

“When I woke up to rain this morning, I didn’t think much of it—it rains all the time in Florida,”

Gore said, standing in a waist deep puddle.

“But then it didn’t stop, and I thought “wow, it rains a lot in Gainesville” and I went on Twitter to make a joke about it; that’s when it [...]

 
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March 29, 2017

Girl With Walking Boot Just Trying Not to Shave Leg

Spring has officially arrived and Spring Fashion is in full force on UF’s campus this spring. One of the most stylish items this season is the ‘I Broke My Leg Walking Boot’ by Ann Taylor.

UF Sophomore Sally Fahn really likes how the boot matches her eyes. She also wears it for another reason.

Underneath the fashion forward grey boot lies what can only be described as an Amazon Rain Forest of leg hair.

“I can’t remember if it started with me trying to support feminism or just being too lazy to buy a new razor.”

Said Fahn, who wears the boot on her left leg because boots on both legs made it difficult to dance.

When Fahn first started wearing the [...]

 
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March 28, 2017

Basketball Fan Unaware They Don’t Have to Keep Every Pom-Pom

One UF student is reportedly completely oblivious that keeping the pom-poms given out at UF basketball games is optional, much to the dismay of his roommate who is forced to live with his growing collection.

Lewis Carter, 18, has been to every home basketball game this semester, and often shows his team spirit with face paint, blue and orange overalls, and as much free Gator memorabilia as he can find in the bleachers before the game starts.

“At first it was funny going to the games with Lewis because he was so into it,”

Said Carter’s roommate Alex Dubrove.

“But then he started taking every leftover orange and blue pom-pom home like it was his job, I don’t [...]