24-Year-Old Student Adds Third Major


A 24-year-old announced that he has added an unprecedented third major last Tuesday. Tyson Johnson told his father earlier that he was adding a new major to his already “extremely demanding” schedule. He said that he is studying business, finance, and now, biology.

Johnson told his family that the third major will look even more impressive to graduate schools and employers, however Johnson told his friends a different story.

“I actually haven’t even been enrolled in school here for like three years now, I dropped out to start a scientific calculator app but for whatever reason that didn’t work out,”

Johnson said, as he photoshopped the word ‘physics’ onto his transcript.

“I need them to think I’m still in school. I would hate to let them down—or you know, get cut off.”

Johnson said he spends 3 hours in Marston Library every day after work learning biological terms for when he goes home so he can properly fool his parents.

“If I say ‘the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell” enough times, they might just buy it,” he said.

Johnson’s friends also reported that he goes to the UF Bookstore every day at the beginning of the semester to make notes of how much the textbooks and lab equipment cost so he can ask for the right amount of money.

“He probably puts more effort into being a fake biology major than I put into being a real one,”

Said Johnson’s friend, Ella Scope.

Johnson said one time his father has started asking about why his scholarships weren’t covering any of his classes or equipment, which he was able to quickly mask by explaining that Bright Futures only covered 12 of his 34 credit hour schedules. When asked for comment, Johnson’s father said he was not surprised to learn of his son’s secret whatsoever.

“This is probably the most work he’s put into anything in his life, and as long as he’s not living at home—I’m happy.”


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24-Year-Old Student Adds Third Major

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