Turlington Finally Gets More Annoying Guy Than Preacher

by PoseidonJanuary 26, 2017

After years of being the most abrasive character in Turlington Plaza, the PVC-pipe wielding preacher has finally been unseated by a guy with a Nazi armband.

The position of most-annoying-Turlington-guy has been highly contested over the years, with the title frequently changing hands from the preacher to the Krishna guy who gives you a “free” book but then tries to make you pay for it, and the boy scout yelling about sinners coming in a close second.

The Nazi man has been appearing on campus for a few days, trying to gain as much attention as possible by walking around and registering his bicycle.

“It’s just a prank bro! Like performance art or whatever,”

The man said while holding a picture of a swastika that he drew on notebook paper.

“I don’t even go to school here but I got a way better reaction on campus than the parking lot by the mall.”

UF students said that they had previously believed the Turlington characters couldn’t get any worse, and many had just started getting used to toning out strange chants or profanities yelled through a loudspeaker. A few said they were even starting to miss the presence of the Turlington preacher man.

“Sure, he told me I would burn in hell for listening to rap music,”

Said sophomore Ashley Rivera.

“But at least with that guy someone would usually just bring a speaker and play Beyonce over him and everything would be ok again.”

The man with the swastika jacket has yet to face any obvious competition, but Rivera said she hopes that day never comes.

“If it gets worse than this, I think I’m just going to ask to transfer to the online program.”

In a related note, Dennis, the bald dancing man, still holds the award for best thighs on campus.

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