Eyewitnesses from apartment complexes and dorms all around Gainesville are noticing a new trend, which appears to be that dozens of loyal roommates have turned into maids and chauffeurs. Both are so popular, UF is in the works of making them majors, which is projected to become the new “Psychology” degree on campuses nationwide.
On any given day, these students can be found driving their roommate to Grog on Wednesday nights or washing forks that aren’t theirs—in crisp white tuxes, of course.
“I just love being the only roommate that knows how to take out the trash,”
Said Kelly Orwell, sophomore and resident of Gainesville Place.
“I’m really earning this technical degree.”
Orwell said she wasn’t interested in these majors until she moved off-campus and didn’t have a UF employee cleaning up her and her roommates mess.
Classes for these majors include Solo Vacuuming, Cleaning Up After Guests That Aren’t Mine, and Picking Up Drunk Roommate Every Weekend.
Critical tracking courses are incredibly intense and time-consuming, but students in them usually just complain and never end up switching out. Electives also include Passive Aggression and The Silent Treatment.
The majors don’t have homework systems such as MyAccountingLab or WebAssign. Instead, the students email pictures of cooking communal pasta, and washing their dirty socks etc., to their professor for full credit.
“Who needs RTS when you have a pushover roommate, right?”
Said Johnny Dawson, a usually drunk English major.
“I don’t even halfheartedly offer to pay for gas anymore, in fact most of the time Barry even pays for our drive-thru food, too.”
Dawson told Crocodile staff writers he hasn’t driven or taken a bus since August and doesn’t even know where the trash can is thanks to Barry.
“He does pretty much everything around here honestly, it’s almost like being back at my parents’ house!”
According to UF Department of Completely True Statistics, 99% of students with these majors will switch to something like sociology or creative writing after they discover studio apartments.